Lord McAlpine is INNOCENT! A BBC Apology

'Newsnight' would like to apologise most profoundly to Lord McAlpine and his family for naming him as a paedophile.

Even though we DIDN’T name HIM, or anyone else.

It was that Steven Messham’s fault. Idiot clearly has lost his marbles or is a fantasist, or both. 

Even though there isn’t any evidence to suggest that Messham named McAlpine in the first place, either.(Except where HE, himself, was ALSO made to apologise for naming the wrong person. Even though he DIDN’T name him, or was never reported as naming him, or anyone else).

Those nice Lawyers of Lord McAlpine have pointed out that, although they AGREE nobody named Lord McAlpine, (or anyone else), our report:
 “encouraged people to seek out the accused politician’s name on the internet”. 

We can only hope that Lawyers for Michael Portillo, Peter Lilley, Alan Milburn, Mike Hancock, Mark Oaten, Lord George Robertson, Lord Greville Janner, Lord Gerald Kaufman, Lord Leon Britton, Lord Andrew Hardie, Sir Peter Morrison, Alan Clark, Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, Lord Cullen, Julian Lewis MP, Michael Colvin, Ian Hamilton QC, and numerous OTHER Ministerial and high-ranking persons of ALL Political Parties and the Establishment, do not decide that our report may have “encouraged people to seek out the accused politician’s name on the internet”, also.

We, here at the BBC, accept that, in order for us to continue receiving the LICENCE fee from the General Public, we are not only going to have to admit culpability and complicity in the heinous crimes of the late Sir Jimmy Savile, (taking special care NOT to mention his high ranking, Governmental Minister contacts), but in an attempt to deviate away from our own, high profile failings, we are also going to have to admit over-zealousness in reporting the ramblings of a clearly deluded man who may or may NOT have been abused in a Children’s home by a person or persons unknown.

  

 (Except categorically NOT persons who are or were remotely related to the Government).

That way, Mr. Cameron won’t have to worry about having to set up ANOTHER tedious, expensive and long-winded “inquiry” into allegations of child abuse at certain Childrens’ homes all over the UK, only to find that there is insufficient, or NO evidence to proceed with any prosecutions against high-ranking individuals, including former Government Ministers.

Rather like the LAST time there was such an enquiry.

Along with all the OTHER times there was such an enquiry.

On a BRIGHTER note, we can look forward to telling that imbecilic muppet, Phillip Schofield ,where to go when he comes to us for a job once ITV are made to sack him!

JIMMY SAVILE ~ a Truth Stranger than ANY Fiction

“Truth”, so said Mark Twain, “is stranger than fiction”. 

He also added, more tellingly, “But it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities, Truth, isn’t”.

Imagine if Hollywood created a film or some pulp fiction ‘Horror’ writer penned a tale about some sexual predator;  a shimmering, gold lamé track-suited, medallion wearing, jewellery encrusted, shoulder-length platinum blonde-haired, goggle-eyed beast, who ‘yodelled’ manically whilst puffing on a seemingly endless supply of huge, expensive Cuban cigars.

Then let’s make him a serial SEX abuser of young girls. 

Oh, AND boys. 

OR, better still, an abuser of ANYONE who might be deemed to be vulnerable or defenceless; young OR old.

Say like children in special homes or Approved schools. 

People in HOSPITALS, of ALL ages; frail and dependant on others for their needs. 

Or, lets really go out on a limb and make him an abuser of people in MENTAL institutions; the incarcerated, requiring pharmaceutical and psychiatric care.

THEN, let’s give him the access, KEYS and total freedom to wander around these institutions, hospitals and schools, unimpeded; abusing and degrading as he goes.

How utterly ridiculous and entirely incredible a tale would THAT be??

OK then; let’s try and make it even more ludicrous and perverse.

Let’s say he also has a predilection for Necrophilia. 

Let’s say he enjoys intimate acts with corpses; 

That he has SEX with dead bodies.

NOW we’re going TOO far! Totally devoid of any credibility whatsoever, right? I mean, such a fabricated MONSTER would be way beyond the most deranged dreams of even the most disturbed fantasist ever, right?

Yeah, but hold on; stay with me on this.

Let’s say that not only did he indulge in ALL of the above despicable acts, but that he was allowed to do so for perhaps as long a period as FIFTY years; HALF a Century, without censure, prohibition or apprehension.

AND, if it was possible to demolish any last vestiges of plausibility, let’s make this BEAST one of the most recognised faces on TV; apparently beloved and adored by MILLIONS, a wacky pioneer, a zany Disc Jockey and a tireless CHARITY worker who raised countless sums for many Hospitals.

A DEVIL in an Angel’s disguise, if you will.

Revered and worshipped by kids, Mum's, Dad's, Grannies and all!

Of course, such a TALE, or screenplay, would never get past the brief opening synopsis! It would be tossed aside in utter contempt!

“Who could ever buy this crap?”

 some wizened old publisher or Movie mogul would snarl;

 “How the hell would this guy get away with a FRACTION of what he does in ONE WEEK, let alone a lifetime?”

Ah, yes, well; you see, this is the tricky bit. Let’s suppose our Monster moved in certain ‘circles’; people with like-minded, erm...penchants.

People with whom he had a mutual understanding. 

People who were powerful.

REALLY, really powerful.

And who just happened to share similar ‘interests’ or  indulgences. 

People who couldn’t be seen to be attempting to... erm... ‘procure’ suitable participants for their own perverted desires and fantasies.

People who would readily welcome and embrace the opportunity to befriend someone who COULD procure, supply and deliver, such participants. 

Of ANY age.

People, perhaps, who were OTHER, famous faces, leading sordid ‘other’ lives.

Other Disc Jockeys.

Pop Stars.

TV Stars.

Infamous Gangsters from BOTH sides of the water.

Politicians.

Ministers.

Perhaps..................even................PRIME Ministers.

Or Royalty..........................

OK! OK! OK! I’m outta here!!

NOT coming to a cinema or bookstore near you.

Jimmy Savile.1926 -  2011..... If there be a GOD; please let there be a Hell.