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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Where's Madeleine McCann NOW? Competition for AUGUST

Congratulations to Mr. C. Mitchell of North London who wins our "Maddie's next sighting" competition for JULY with his entry entitled SPAIN.

Competition entries now being accepted for AUGUST.

We are especially interested in applications featuring unusual specific locations and scenarios. Additional prizes will be awarded to those participants who can produce the most creative and stimulating entries, for example incorporating a supermarket, petrol station or cafeteria, (although these actual examples will NOT be accepted due to them already having been exhaustively submitted).

BONUS prizes will also be awarded for those entries where, in the Judge’s opinion, the best creativity can be employed relating to  any interesting or discerning feature of the person(s), accompanying Madeleine. For example, ‘swarthy’, ‘nervous looking’, ‘scruffy’ or ‘Romanyesque’ (Gypsy-like).

Please note, we are currently unable to accept entries denoting the Countries of INDIA or MOROCCO due to previous sightings there having been shown to have been entirely FABRICATED.  (UPDATE: We are also NOT accepting further entries denoting SPAIN, given their complete lack of any credibility whatsoever).

We are also unable to accept entries from ex-pat British Holiday makers whose amnesia attacks momentarily go into remission, alowing them to recal some vital clue that hitherto was never reported in the first instance.

Likewise, we can not entertain entries involving Taxi Drivers, Cleaning company vans, convicted paedophiles, (alive OR dead), on the basis of their sheer ridiculousness, even to readers of the Daily Mail.

Please send your competition entries together with your £15.00 entry fee, (cheque, postal order, bank draft, cash in any denomination or currency, or your unwanted gold jewellery,) to: 

PO BOX 101

The winning entry chosen after August 30th will win a complete NEW UPVC Double Glazed Window replacement system from EVEREST, (proprietor B. Kennedy).

5 Runners up will receive a FREE 1 hour legal advice consultation, courtesy of  C.Ruck of London

10 Runners up will receive a free tour of the ITV studios with popular presenter Loraine Kelly.

20 further runners up will receive signed copies of ‘Madeleine’, by Kate McCann.

ALL entrants will receive a FREE ‘Look for Madeleine’ Wristband (NOT including Postage and Packing costs of £10.99)

Good luck!!

Terms ad Conditions:
Please note the winning entrant will be required to undertake a wide publicity campaign incorporating ALL popular Press and Media outlets, where you will be required to make and sign a sworn Affidavit relating to the "100% certainty" of your sighting, together with your declaration that the Portuguese authorities are "useless Boozy Porto Sardine-Munching plod" who refused to listen to the report of your sighting in the first place. (Even if you didn't make one).

Judges decision is FINAL. (Unless it later transpires your submission perfectly matches a sighting subsequently published in the tabloid Press in which case it may well be used to back up the veracity of that one).

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

McCanns issue NEW Wanted Suspect Photos based on TANNERS original Descriptions

At a PRESS conference today, Clarence Mitchell, spokesman for Kate and Gerry McCann, issued a number of new Identikit photographs of individuals that Detectives working for the McCanns would like to interview.

Said Mr. Mithchell,
"Someone out there knows something. Someone must have seen something. I appreciate that there has been a lot of confusion surrounding Jane Tanners testimony and descriptions relating to the abductor that she saw leaving the area of my clients apartment, carrying what she and we believe to be Madeleine McCann."

Original description of abductor, as provided by Jane Tanner

Mr. Mitchell continued:
"Given that there has been some critism leveled at Mr. and Mrs.McCann, as well as Ms.Tanner, regarding what some people have scurillously and unhelpfully suggested has been a constant change in the descriptions and appearances of this individual, it has been suggested that we concentrate our areas of investigation purely based on the information as was initially provided and recorded.

If you think you recognise any of the following individuals, please contact our specially prepared hotlines where, as well as awaiting to take details and locations of your sightings of Madeleine, they can provide a whole list of convicted or suspected paedophiles, living OR dead, who may prove to be suitable candidates and matches for your queries"

Mr. Mitchell concluded:-
"Equally importantly,they are able to accept Credit and Debit card donations in order to continue our search for Madeleine. If you do NOT have such cards, we can facilitate the acceptance of Postal Orders, cheques, bank drafts, pension books, piggy banks and cash in any denominantion or currency

Accordingly, we would very much like to know the wherabouts of the following persons:-