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Saturday, 10 November 2012

Lord McAlpine is INNOCENT! A BBC Apology

'Newsnight' would like to apologise most profoundly to Lord McAlpine and his family for naming him as a paedophile.

Even though we DIDN’T name HIM, or anyone else.

It was that Steven Messham’s fault. Idiot clearly has lost his marbles or is a fantasist, or both. 

Even though there isn’t any evidence to suggest that Messham named McAlpine in the first place, either.(Except where HE, himself, was ALSO made to apologise for naming the wrong person. Even though he DIDN’T name him, or was never reported as naming him, or anyone else).

Those nice Lawyers of Lord McAlpine have pointed out that, although they AGREE nobody named Lord McAlpine, (or anyone else), our report:
 “encouraged people to seek out the accused politician’s name on the internet”. 

We can only hope that Lawyers for Michael Portillo, Peter Lilley, Alan Milburn, Mike Hancock, Mark Oaten, Lord George Robertson, Lord Greville Janner, Lord Gerald Kaufman, Lord Leon Britton, Lord Andrew Hardie, Sir Peter Morrison, Alan Clark, Lord Montagu of Beaulieu, Lord Cullen, Julian Lewis MP, Michael Colvin, Ian Hamilton QC, and numerous OTHER Ministerial and high-ranking persons of ALL Political Parties and the Establishment, do not decide that our report may have “encouraged people to seek out the accused politician’s name on the internet”, also.

We, here at the BBC, accept that, in order for us to continue receiving the LICENCE fee from the General Public, we are not only going to have to admit culpability and complicity in the heinous crimes of the late Sir Jimmy Savile, (taking special care NOT to mention his high ranking, Governmental Minister contacts), but in an attempt to deviate away from our own, high profile failings, we are also going to have to admit over-zealousness in reporting the ramblings of a clearly deluded man who may or may NOT have been abused in a Children’s home by a person or persons unknown.
 (Except categorically NOT persons who are or were remotely related to the Government).

That way, Mr. Cameron won’t have to worry about having to set up ANOTHER tedious, expensive and long-winded “inquiry” into allegations of child abuse at certain Childrens’ homes all over the UK, only to find that there is insufficient, or NO evidence to proceed with any prosecutions against high-ranking individuals, including former Government Ministers.

Rather like the LAST time there was such an enquiry.

Along with all the OTHER times there was such an enquiry.

On a BRIGHTER note, we can look forward to telling that imbecilic muppet, Phillip Schofield ,where to go when he comes to us for a job once ITV are made to sack him!


  1. I also apologize for thinking that the BBC is staffed by people with integrity and gonads.

  2. The BBC should also apologise for blatantly nicking the article by Nick Davies from the Grauniad, back in 1997, which DID name names. But as far as I know nobody has ever threatened to sue the said organ. I wonder why.

  3. what a load of old bol****why in hells name did Steven Meesham apologise after all we only have McAlpines word for it that it wasnt him.
    lets hope this dont turn into a witch hunt and that the media DO NOT str----etch the truth about all the children that have been abused by the high and mighty.

  4. There is a good Article by Boris Johnson in The Telegraph usual he tells it like it is.!!

    We do not know whether McAlpine is guilty or innocent, all we can be certain of is that many children have been scarred for life by their adolecent experience in Care Homes which were supposed to protect them. As soon as Cameron announced a new enquiry he should have put a D Notice on the Press to stop any reporting. Who tracked down these Witnesses, did they themselves go to the Press or did the Press track them down?